The last time I wrote an entry on this blog was the beginning of the end of my project. Before I left for the comedy show, I received a phone call from my mother asking her where I was. When I told her I was going to a show, she dropped the bomb that she was in the hospital and that she would be there for a couple of days. I immediately regretted purchasing tickets for the show, but what could I do? I figured I’d probably need a few laughs anyway. I did enjoy the show, but I was unable to focus. Perhaps that might’ve effected the way I interacted with the comedians, and why I wasn’t really able to hold conversations as well as I would have liked. The month following that show was the most stressful of my life, resulting in multiple hospital visits, withdrawal from all of my college courses, and my mother’s death a few days after my class departure. At that point I didn’t feel like doing anything or talking to anyone, let alone writing.
October 15th would have been my mother’s 66th birthday, but instead it’s going to mark the six-month anniversary of her death. In some ways it feels like she’s been gone for a long time, yet it feels like these months flew by. I’m still trying to clean up the aftermath, literally and figuratively. There’s so much stuff in the house to go through and I won’t let anyone help me with the stuff in her room, which is basically Ground Zero. Emotionally I wouldn’t consider myself a wreck, since I haven’t had any emotional breakdowns. What HAS happened, however, is I find it extremely hard to concentrate, and my memory is pretty poor. This poses a problem for the fall semester at my college and at my job.
This blog is no longer going to be focusing on new things done every day, but about life after the death of my mother as a twentysomething. Losing your parent at any age is difficult, but reaching full adulthood and not having a parent to share experiences on being a mother after their child has become one is something I’ll probably be longing for the rest of my life. You know, when I have kids.
In any case, I’ve made some observations over the past few months that I’ll end up sharing over time, with regularity. I promise.
